Digital Marketing is a powerful tool for any business that wants to fail as slowly and as painfully as possible.
Digital Marketing says "Build a Web site that's going to stand out from the 11 billion other Web sites. Optimize around terms that either no one will ever use, or ones that all your competitors already own. Do a bunch of other stuff that sounds good, but doesn't actually work. And then wait until you run out of money before you actually think about lead generation."
After all, if you build it, they will come, right?
Do you really think your content is going to break through the clutter?
Do you really think your prospects are just waiting around for your solution to show up?
Seriously. Is it any wonder that the business failure rate is over 70%?
If you need more sales, the answer is easy.
That's because the same Magic 8 Ball that you turned to for answers when you were young has been updated to provide you with the solutions you need today.
Now get answers like these:
• Just buy our CRM and the sales will roll in!
• Just use our Emailer, and customers will be banging on your door!
• Just hire me, and your competition will crumble!
• Just use our SEO service, and you'll jump right to the top of the Search results!
And remember, if anyone tells you that the answers are complex, don't listen to them. They're probably just a consultant.
Congratulations! You started your business with a great idea and a few friendly customers.
But when you tried to grow beyond the people you knew, you hit a ceiling.
With our Most Uplifting Escalator, though, you can break through that ceiling. And take your business to the next level.
And we're not talking metaphors here. These are real escalators, that really go up!
So if your business is stuck on the ground floor, we can help you move to the second floor, and beyond!
Why settle for a page 12 ranking, or worse, on Google?
Why wallow in obscurity when your business can rank right at the top of the listings?
Wrap yourself in the warmth of a high page rank with out Best Google Page Rank.
Made from only the narrowest of search terms, and using only the finest geotagging, our Highest Google Page Rank will make you the talk of the town!
And for only $10 more, we'll send you a framed PDF of your listing, so you can proudly display your prominence in your home, in your office, or on the go!
Growing businesses need stimulation, companionship and - most of all - engagement.
And you'll get all that, and more, with our genuine Phone Monkeys.
Our phone monkeys are great at helping your shy, young business make new friends while providing you with hours of entertainment.
Because, after all, who doesn't like monkeys?
Whenever you hear it, you know that's the sales candidate for you:
"Just get me in the door, and I can close anyone."
And that's why you need our finest door.
Constructed from the richest veneer glued over the sturdiest frame, our classic two-panel door will make your new rep proud that he'll never have to make cold calls again.
And if you need someone to actually open the door, don't forget to call our Service Department - by appointment only, of course.
You know there are no guarantees when it comes to Marketing.
But since you're going to insist on one, here it is!
Our 100% certified money-back guarantee!
Backed by years of back-room finagling, clever wordsmithing and legal foot-dragging, our guarantee is the best in the business.
We would tell you that it's not worth the paper it's printed on, but who uses paper these days?
For decades, Marketers have struggled to show their impact on sales.
Media companies have invented all sorts of metrics, like impressions and circulation, to show their value.
And Marketing Managers have made up all sorts of excuses to justify spending money, often being satisfied with half the advertising budget they asked for.
But now we're pleased to offer our genuine "Marketing Qualified Leads"!
Justify whatever budget you want!
Clicks! Hits! Downloads! Form fills! Opens! Oh, my!
The conversion rate, though? That's someone else's problem, of course.
Digital Marketing is a powerful tool for driving an endless demand for Digital Marketers.
And now you can show them who's the boss!
Order our new custom-printed Digital Marketing Expert coffee mug, and sip your favorite hot beverage while comforting yourself that, by the time they find out it didn't work, you'll be long gone!
Digital Marketing: Never have so many spent so much for so little.
Here at the LeadGen.com Digital Marketing Academy, we know Marketing!
And the one thing we know about Marketing is that "you can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time."
And that's why were now offering - exclusively for you - our Professional Digital Marketing Training Program!
In the Official LeadGen.com Professional Digital Marketing Training Program:
• You'll learn to create and post content that no one will ever read!
• You'll learn to generate Marketing Qualified Leads (MQLs) that will never convert!
• And you'll learn to update your resume so that it's always fresh and ready-to-go!
If you're looking for a job with high demand, high pay, and high turnover, Digital Marketing is the job for you!
Call 1-800-INBOUND today, and get $10 off our regular, low price of only $10!
The world has gone digital. And Marketing is leading the way!
Forget about the power of salesmanship. That's old school.
Who cares about uncovering needs? That's just Boomer narcissism.
Today, its Digital or Die!
Today's Digital Marketing soldiers know how to post content. They know how to upload TikToks. And they spend like there's no tomorrow.
Because, for most businesses, there isn't.
Join the Digital Marketing Army, and Be All You Can Be!
Inbound Marketing is the ultimate gift.
It's the promise of a waiting for the phone to ring.
It's the hope of that first traffic after going live.
It's the smile of making that LinkedIn connection.
In fact, it's whatever you want it to be.
For the business you love, it's always Inbound Marketing.
Who cares if there's no ROI?
Because it's the thought that counts.
Remember how everyone showed up for the baseball game in Field of Dreams - even though Ray Kinsella did absolutely no advertising whatsoever?
Remember how you felt when you heard that Inbound Marketing was going to save your sales team from ever having to make cold calls again?
And didn't it just warm the cockles of your heart knowing that all you had to do to beat your competition was to put the right keywords in your meta tags?
Now you can bask in the comfort of all your favorite Digital Marketing tropes with this custom throw pillow from LeadGen.com!
Or you can cry yourself to sleep knowing they were all lies.
But at least it's super soft, and super absorbant!
As a business owner you're faced with a virtual tsunami of marketing options. Everyone is selling the next big thing, the newest way to generate leads, or the one tool you absolutely need to grow your business.
Email marketing! Data mining! Pay-per-lead! AI! Content marketing! SEO!
"Just use our solution and the world will beat a path to your door", they scream.
Well, here's the reality: It's all nonsense, because none of it works - at least not for you.
When it comes to marketing, if you think that you need to be doing "X", you've already lost the battle.
And there are lots of names for it: Grasping at straws. Throwing a bunch of you-know-what against the wall and seeing what sticks. And "hope as a strategy" are just a few.
If you want to win the game, you have to start with the fundamentals. You have to work through your value proposition and your positioning, your targeting, and how to actually create awareness and stimulate interest with potential buyers.
Only then should you consider what tools you need.